2019: closing the loop

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Let’s face it — I’m not going to be able to do the rest of my side-by-sides for 2019, and it was probably never going to happen. (Oh well!)

But what I can do is the reflection on the cards, and on 2019. Even pulling up this old picture reminds me that I’ve gone through a lot of change this year — I moved out of that apartment and got rid of that striped rug (!).

January: The World

I mentioned this a little bit in the World side-by-side post, but January is always a big month of wrapping up and closing doors for me, and so the card of completing a journey fits with January.

February: Three of Feathers (Wands)

Three of Wands is about expansion and growth, and I made some big steps in February — booking appointments, making plans, and starting new things.

March: Goddess of Knives (Queen of Swords), reversed

March was the month that we were decisive and got ourselves our new apartment! The long story short is, I got irritated at getting (what I felt was) jerked around by a potential landlord, so we cut that tie (swords!) and immediately went with another apartment (decisions!) within a few days.

April: The High Priestess

April was a busy month — we moved into our new apartment, and I also had several commitments that I had planned months ahead of time without realizing what was going to all come down at the same time. I just wish I had known ahead of time!

May: The Devil, reversed

May was actually a month where I built in a lot of self-care — looking back at my calendar, I see a lot of yoga (!) and insight. Did I also spend a lot of money? Probably!

June: Two of Feathers (Wands)

In June, I actually took a step back from some of the things I used to do — I usually went out of town with friends in June, but this year I went out of town with my boyfriend, just the two of us. There was a lot of “but what do I really want to do?” in 2019, and this was a month where that was in the mix.

July: Ace of Knives (Swords), reversed

July was the month where the tough part of the year started for me; we did manage to get away for a weekend, but my anxiety did get the best of me one night on vacation (overthinking! pierced by my sword!).

August: Four of Knives (Swords), reversed

After the beginning of the emotional turmoil started in July, August was a month of wait-and-see; there were a lot of unknowns that I couldn’t get an answer on, so it was a month of hesitation and waiting. (Very Hanged One, to be honest.)

September: Three of Stones (Pentacles)

September was probably one of the most brutal months; I got really rocked in my day job life, while also stepping up for my outside work. That said, knowing that I had the support of my boyfriend, my family, and my friends, was incredibly helpful.

October: Wanderer of Stones (Knight of Pentacles)

The Pentacle courts, more than anything else, make me think about money and career, and October was the month where I was like, “okay, you know what, it’s time to really think about what I’m doing”. So I dusted off my resume, thought about what I would like to do and, right around the end of October, decided I’d like to go back to school to get a fresher start.

November: Five of Feathers (Wands), reversed

November was when I officially signed up to go back to school, and what was really nice was that everything seemed to fall into place; I could take classes on nights where I didn’t have existing appointments, I could take classes online. It was really nice to see that it wouldn’t be a conflict to try to get something I wanted into my life.

December: Eight of Knives (Swords)

And now we come to the end of the year! As I close out December, and think about the Eight of Swords, I have to wonder what I’m overthinking, and what I’m not willing to see. I’ve got a lot of options around me right now — for all of this talk of “new job! new career!” am I actually going to take action on it? I’m not actually stuck… but sometimes it feels stuck.

I do intend on doing a 2019-in-review spread tomorrow, and a 2020-to-come on the 1st — so we’ll see!

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